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I am spending my evening, watching the british tv-show “Call the midwife”, writing an article for CultNoise and getting a couple of job applications out of the way. I am spending the weekend at my parents, and going home tomorrow. The weather has been beautiful so I have been outside more than once today. My parents have a dog, 3 horses and 3 cats and it is nice to spend some time with them(and my parents). I still feel really tired but I will be hitting the gym tomorrow hoping that will help.
Oh yeah, and I have been reading a very good book by Julie Kibler. The book is called “Calling me home” and is about two very strong women who both have an amazing story to tell. It is the story about a young (white) woman in the 1930s falling in love with a black man, which at the time was illegal in some parts of the USA, and often very dangerous. I have read the first part of the book, and have had a hard time putting it down.
Today was my last day in”Danske Bank” as a project Employee. We did our presentation yesterday (well I didn’t – two people from my group did) and it was great. The presentation was held twice. First in front of everyone interested (about 40 people showed) from our department, and the second one was just for a small group of people, who we have been working together with for the last two months.
2 months ago when I started on this project, I thought everything would be wide open once I finished this project and I could do whatever I wanted to do. Last week I was contacted about a job, I hadn’t applied for and not really want. They had found my profile online, and thought I might be perfect for the job. I went to the interview knowing that I didn’t want the job, and that I probably would not be any good at it. However the interview went well and they offered me the job on the spot. I said yes, because I had too. I couldn’t say no. I am on benefits, and have to take any job I get offered.
After giving me the job they revealed that every new employee starts off interning. I didn’t like that at all. I have done that too much. I deserve to get a real job. If I really wanted the job I would be fine starting off with an internship, but since it’s nothing I want to do at all, I wish I had said no. But I didn’t! How could I when society is telling me that I need to get a job. Any job. No matter whether or not I am suited to do it, whether or not I need to work almost free for it, whether or not it will kill my creativity, because I risk getting stock in a death end job. And I get it. As long as I am on benefits I don’t really have a say in what happens to my life. So right now I am struggling to find the courage to take a leap. I am scared to hell and confused. I have no idea which way to go or what to do, in order to not become one of those people, who get up, go to work, get home and go to sleep. Not really living, not dreaming, and just accepting things as they are.
Courtesy of Pinterest♥
I am an artist. I am so sure that I have something to tell and give the world, but I have a hard time escaping from being the sensible person I have (almost) always been. Should I take a leap and risk a lot of things in the process, in order to be the artist that I know I am? It is outside your comfort zone things start to happen I know that. This week has been pretty hard, and I haven’t got the sleep I need, so I hope that after this weekend everything will be clearer.
This is my first post in almost 3 weeks, but I have been so busy lately that finding time to write something amazing and inspiring was not possible. I have no idea whether or not this post will be amazing and inspiring, as all have to show you today are a few photos from the last week, but hopefully it will be♥
The title of todays post, is a quote by Allan Saunders. To me that makes a lot of sense right now. I have been very busy making plans, not taking the time to think, breath and just allowing myself to feel. A couple of weeks ago I started attending Yoga classes at the gym I joined a month ago, and even though I have only been to flow yoga two times, I can feel a small change already. I am very stressed right now, and as I tend not to listen to my body when it says it needs some peace and quite, I some times get a cold or the flu, which is my body´s way to tell me to slow down. So today I am at home in bed sick. Allowing myself to sleep, read and drink Tea.
I try to enjoy the little moments that occur around me all the time, and I can truely recommend that as a way to feel more appreciative of what you´ve got;
I have been kind of freaked out about turning 30, and not being anywhere near where I expected to be when I turned 30. I kind of thought I would be having the job of my dreams, would be on my way to publish a book or at least writing articles for some magazine. And then there is the thing about being 30 and single (I am pretty sure my family has given up on me). So a lot of rambling thoughts have been running through my head and I know that I have introduced you to some of them!
Today I read an article about a woman who turned 38 last year and who just recently figured out what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go in life. She has got the relationship part down, though she doesn’t want to get married or have children (like me- how cool is that!). Seriously I felt so much better when I read this article. It was so inspiring and just a big help! Instead of wasting time worrying about not having the life I thought I would have by now, I realized that I still have all the time in the world and that I am actually on my way!
By the way you can read the article here (Pay attention to website – it’s an online magazine you will be hearing more about)♥
With only 3,5 weeks left of my time as a project employee at “Danske Bank” my mind keeps wandering off, and I find it differcult not to think about what is coming up next. Two things I really don´t like about myself is my tendecy to focus too most on the future instead of just being in the present(I try to change that by meditating) and my inabillity to make a decision and stick to it. Hopefully I can change that too at some point.
Anyway the last couple of days I have been thinking about what I need instead of what I should do. England is still part of the plan, but I am looking into moving to somewhere outside of London instead. Because I really need some peace and quite. As I am getting older I have noticed that I need to take better care of the introvert part of me, so I will try to listen to that part more. I don´t know if this makes any sense, but hopefully it will at some point. Right now I am trying to find a place to live that is close to a big city – London, Brighton ect. and at the same time can give me the quietness that I need.
If anyone has any ideas on how to stay in the present or how to take better care of the introvert part of you, please let me know♥