I spend a wonderful day yesterday with my family, and I am glad I went though I still have a very annoying cold. Today seems to be a rainy day, so I will spend the day indoors.
When I graduated last year I was feeling many different things. Happy, relieved, sad, scared and confused. It was scary to enter a whole new world where nothing was decided and everything could happy, but at the same time I was relieved that I had no more exams to attend, no more papers to write… But I must admit that sometimes I miss it, and consider going back to university to do another degree. However it is probably for the best that I don´t. I know that what I miss is the social aspect of it and the learning part of it. I love learning new things. I love write clever (well not always clever) thoughts in my notebooks, and I loved researching and preparing for the writing of another paper. But fortunately I can do that without going back to university. The other day I signed up for at course through coursera, called Modern & Contemporary American Poetry, and started yesterday. Though I never did read a lot of poetry, I am looking forward to learn more about a topic which is so unfamiliar to me, though not totally foreign. So that is how I will be spending my sunday, in between writing a couple of job applications and reading Terry Pratchett´s “The Wee Tree Men”.
A pretty notebook is needed for studying poetry.
Today was my last day in”Danske Bank” as a project Employee. We did our presentation yesterday (well I didn’t – two people from my group did) and it was great. The presentation was held twice. First in front of everyone interested (about 40 people showed) from our department, and the second one was just for a small group of people, who we have been working together with for the last two months.
2 months ago when I started on this project, I thought everything would be wide open once I finished this project and I could do whatever I wanted to do. Last week I was contacted about a job, I hadn’t applied for and not really want. They had found my profile online, and thought I might be perfect for the job. I went to the interview knowing that I didn’t want the job, and that I probably would not be any good at it. However the interview went well and they offered me the job on the spot. I said yes, because I had too. I couldn’t say no. I am on benefits, and have to take any job I get offered.
After giving me the job they revealed that every new employee starts off interning. I didn’t like that at all. I have done that too much. I deserve to get a real job. If I really wanted the job I would be fine starting off with an internship, but since it’s nothing I want to do at all, I wish I had said no. But I didn’t! How could I when society is telling me that I need to get a job. Any job. No matter whether or not I am suited to do it, whether or not I need to work almost free for it, whether or not it will kill my creativity, because I risk getting stock in a death end job. And I get it. As long as I am on benefits I don’t really have a say in what happens to my life. So right now I am struggling to find the courage to take a leap. I am scared to hell and confused. I have no idea which way to go or what to do, in order to not become one of those people, who get up, go to work, get home and go to sleep. Not really living, not dreaming, and just accepting things as they are.
Courtesy of Pinterest♥
I am an artist. I am so sure that I have something to tell and give the world, but I have a hard time escaping from being the sensible person I have (almost) always been. Should I take a leap and risk a lot of things in the process, in order to be the artist that I know I am? It is outside your comfort zone things start to happen I know that. This week has been pretty hard, and I haven’t got the sleep I need, so I hope that after this weekend everything will be clearer.
Have a wonderful weekend♥